"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness."
~James Thurber
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Homework (continued)
11. I believe that had I not been too terrified to try out for cheerleading in high school, that I would have made the squad and it would have changed the course of my entire high school experience.
12. The happiest I remember being as an adolescent was when I was playing softball.
13. When I was in 4th grade I was awarded the "Red Headed Bombshell" award because I cracked everyone up.
14. Also in 4th grade there were 3 Kim's in my class so I volunteered to go by my middle name "Ann" and to this day people will come up to me and say "Ann Perry!!" It's so strange.
15. When I was a kid I used to like sitting around the table with the adults while they talked, smoked cigarettes and drank coffee, instead of playing outside with my friends. Funny I never smoked or drank coffee much. I was just neurotic from listening to all the adult conversation.
16. The first time my dad took me fishing I tried to bait my own hook and the shrimp jumped and scared me. I dropped my pole on my dad's head, it fell in the water and I almost did too. He didn't take me much after that......Still doesn't.
17. I absolutely loved be pregnant, it was the first time I didn't have to worry about how big my stomach was. It was really very freeing since I feel my biggest figure flaw is my stomach.
18. Even though I have been married for 21 years, I have no earthly clue what it feels like to be married.
19. When I was 14, I got a piece of a shell embedded in my foot and I didn't show my mom because I didn't want to go to the doctor, thank God she finally noticed me limping because I came very close to getting gangrene.
20. I don't remember a whole lot about my childhood but to this day I remember being 4 or 5 and going to the pediatrician. I asked him if I had to get a shot and he told me no and then he ended up giving me one anyway, I was really pissed at him........I still am.
..............5 more to go!!
12. The happiest I remember being as an adolescent was when I was playing softball.
13. When I was in 4th grade I was awarded the "Red Headed Bombshell" award because I cracked everyone up.
14. Also in 4th grade there were 3 Kim's in my class so I volunteered to go by my middle name "Ann" and to this day people will come up to me and say "Ann Perry!!" It's so strange.
15. When I was a kid I used to like sitting around the table with the adults while they talked, smoked cigarettes and drank coffee, instead of playing outside with my friends. Funny I never smoked or drank coffee much. I was just neurotic from listening to all the adult conversation.
16. The first time my dad took me fishing I tried to bait my own hook and the shrimp jumped and scared me. I dropped my pole on my dad's head, it fell in the water and I almost did too. He didn't take me much after that......Still doesn't.
17. I absolutely loved be pregnant, it was the first time I didn't have to worry about how big my stomach was. It was really very freeing since I feel my biggest figure flaw is my stomach.
18. Even though I have been married for 21 years, I have no earthly clue what it feels like to be married.
19. When I was 14, I got a piece of a shell embedded in my foot and I didn't show my mom because I didn't want to go to the doctor, thank God she finally noticed me limping because I came very close to getting gangrene.
20. I don't remember a whole lot about my childhood but to this day I remember being 4 or 5 and going to the pediatrician. I asked him if I had to get a shot and he told me no and then he ended up giving me one anyway, I was really pissed at him........I still am.
..............5 more to go!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Dog Ate My Homework (Jack)
1. I have learned more about who I am and what I stand for over the past year than I ever have in my entire life.
2. My favorite movie candy is (are) Snow Caps, I love the way they taste, I love the way they feel in my mouth, and I really love the way they look.
3. When I was in the 5th grade I showed all my friends a picture of an older cousin that I had never met and told them that she was my older sister that lived in Kentucky.
4. I never trusted my judgment as a therapist until I starting working at TGH, now I feel like I can do anything.
5. I love, or at least will eat anything that comes from the earth but animal products are a different story. I have to disassociate myself from the fact that anything that I am eating was ever alive.
6. I remember suffering from depression even as a small child.
7. When you told me I was brave, I thought you were crazy. I have come to realize though that you are right. I have overcome so many paralyzing fears in my lifetime. It's no wonder I'm so tired ;)
8. My biggest fear isn't going crazy anymore. I have realized I really don't have a biggest fear and that is very freeing.
9. The first time I kissed a boy, I was 13 and I honestly thought that I was doing something that was very morally wrong.
10. I have always had this secret desire to join the Military, simply because I knew that if boot camp didn't break me or kill me then I could seriously do anything.
.......Whew, there, 15 more to go!!
2. My favorite movie candy is (are) Snow Caps, I love the way they taste, I love the way they feel in my mouth, and I really love the way they look.
3. When I was in the 5th grade I showed all my friends a picture of an older cousin that I had never met and told them that she was my older sister that lived in Kentucky.
4. I never trusted my judgment as a therapist until I starting working at TGH, now I feel like I can do anything.
5. I love, or at least will eat anything that comes from the earth but animal products are a different story. I have to disassociate myself from the fact that anything that I am eating was ever alive.
6. I remember suffering from depression even as a small child.
7. When you told me I was brave, I thought you were crazy. I have come to realize though that you are right. I have overcome so many paralyzing fears in my lifetime. It's no wonder I'm so tired ;)
8. My biggest fear isn't going crazy anymore. I have realized I really don't have a biggest fear and that is very freeing.
9. The first time I kissed a boy, I was 13 and I honestly thought that I was doing something that was very morally wrong.
10. I have always had this secret desire to join the Military, simply because I knew that if boot camp didn't break me or kill me then I could seriously do anything.
.......Whew, there, 15 more to go!!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Stay
I've always been amazed
by people who can just walk away
Pick it all up and go
lock, stock, and barrel
Never look back
just forget everyone and everything
This is life, it hurts
but it also makes us stronger
If it was always easy
what would we learn?
If we never tested the waters
how would we know?
I have found that through
turbulent times
Love grows stronger
for those who endure
Those who stay
despite pain and uncertainty
When someone has seemingly
lost their mind, their way, their resolve
They stay with them, hold them
cry with them, get exasperated at them
Not even certain if there will be a place for them
when all is said and done
They stay, even though they are juggling
The pain of the past and
the pain of the present
She stayed even though I pushed her away
time and time again
Not really knowing who I was or
where I was going
She stayed
Not the one who I had shared
10 years of my life with
Not the one who told me
she would always be there for me
But the one I barely knew
who barely knew me
She stayed, while I cried
day after day longing for another
Even though she knew, at times, that I felt
I had made a terrible mistake
She stayed with me, prayed with me
never left my side
Until I felt strong again
and ready to fly
I am whole again
much stronger now and ready to fly
But I think.......
I'll stay
by people who can just walk away
Pick it all up and go
lock, stock, and barrel
Never look back
just forget everyone and everything
This is life, it hurts
but it also makes us stronger
If it was always easy
what would we learn?
If we never tested the waters
how would we know?
I have found that through
turbulent times
Love grows stronger
for those who endure
Those who stay
despite pain and uncertainty
When someone has seemingly
lost their mind, their way, their resolve
They stay with them, hold them
cry with them, get exasperated at them
Not even certain if there will be a place for them
when all is said and done
They stay, even though they are juggling
The pain of the past and
the pain of the present
She stayed even though I pushed her away
time and time again
Not really knowing who I was or
where I was going
She stayed
Not the one who I had shared
10 years of my life with
Not the one who told me
she would always be there for me
But the one I barely knew
who barely knew me
She stayed, while I cried
day after day longing for another
Even though she knew, at times, that I felt
I had made a terrible mistake
She stayed with me, prayed with me
never left my side
Until I felt strong again
and ready to fly
I am whole again
much stronger now and ready to fly
But I think.......
I'll stay
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A Little More Time
Please God, don't take him now
I need more time
I promise I'll be more attentive
I won't take him for granted
He's been here my whole life
as long as I can remember
I've always loved him so much
but I haven't always shown him
I just need a little more time
please give me more time, give him more time
He, like me, was caught
in the middle of senselessness
Although unspoken, we both
have always known that
He's my PaPa, I need him
I need more time to show him I need him
He was always the one
who was willing to help me
Always dropped everything
to come and watch his great grandsons
He did my laundry while I was at work
stocked my fridge with treats for the boys
He has been everything that a grandfather
should be and more
I appreciated him, but not enough
not as much as he deserved
I was too busy groaning about what I didn't have
to open my eyes and see what a blessing he was to me
Thank you for letting me realize the importance of family
before it was too late
But please give me just a little more time with him
and please God, comfort him with your love and light
Treasures of Old
Just like searching for treasures
on the seashores
I love searching for treasures
of old
Glassware, books, figurines,
tools, utensils, jewelry
Anything that has a history
a history completely unknown
I look at an old license plate
and wonder how many miles it's traveled
A bowl or platter
I wonder who or how many it has ever served
A ration token from the great depression
I wonder how many times it has exchanged hands
My mind works that way
always wondering, curiously analyzing
I used to think it was a curse
this curious, questioning mind I have
I have recently learned
to appreciate it, feed it with the things it craves
It's the way God made me,
the way people will remember me
My own history
on the seashores
I love searching for treasures
of old
Glassware, books, figurines,
tools, utensils, jewelry
Anything that has a history
a history completely unknown
I look at an old license plate
and wonder how many miles it's traveled
A bowl or platter
I wonder who or how many it has ever served
A ration token from the great depression
I wonder how many times it has exchanged hands
My mind works that way
always wondering, curiously analyzing
I used to think it was a curse
this curious, questioning mind I have
I have recently learned
to appreciate it, feed it with the things it craves
It's the way God made me,
the way people will remember me
My own history
Thursday, March 12, 2009
PaPa
You have been my hero
ever since I can remember
I know we've been through
some rocky times
But I have always felt
a very strong bond with you
I have always seen so much of myself in you
I have always felt such a strong love and respect for you
Your kindness and caring soul
is a wonderful trait that I have inherited
I thank you for that
I talk fast like you
eat fast like you, got my red hair and freckles from you
got my funny, quirky personality from you
It is so hard for me to see you sick
but you are so strong and you're my PaPa
I know that you can overcome this
I love you
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Finally
The fog is lifting and I can see the future
I am not paralyzed by regret and guilt from the past
I have realized that in order to take a step forward
you have to be looking in that direction
I'm learning to let go
I don't feel weighed down by sorrow
I see how much I've learned and grown
I feel whole again
Finally
I am not paralyzed by regret and guilt from the past
I have realized that in order to take a step forward
you have to be looking in that direction
I'm learning to let go
I don't feel weighed down by sorrow
I see how much I've learned and grown
I feel whole again
Finally
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Doin' What I Do
A man whose index finger was bitten off by his girlfriend
because he pointed it in her face
A woman walking in Georgia
attacked by a pack of wild dogs
A girl not much older than my son
with double lung transplants due to cystic fibrosis
Heightened security because of
high profile patients in the news
Walking through a sea of media
awaiting a news conference on my way to lunch
Doing things I never thought I'd do
seeing things I never thought I'd see
Jumpin' in, helpin' out
no two days are ever the same
Problem solving by myself or with the team
if I can do this, I can do anything
This is therapy, this is cutting edge, level 1 Trauma
A dull moment at work.......Never
because he pointed it in her face
A woman walking in Georgia
attacked by a pack of wild dogs
A girl not much older than my son
with double lung transplants due to cystic fibrosis
Heightened security because of
high profile patients in the news
Walking through a sea of media
awaiting a news conference on my way to lunch
Doing things I never thought I'd do
seeing things I never thought I'd see
Jumpin' in, helpin' out
no two days are ever the same
Problem solving by myself or with the team
if I can do this, I can do anything
This is therapy, this is cutting edge, level 1 Trauma
A dull moment at work.......Never
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Post Fight Giggles
"I'm sorry we fussed...."
"I luv you......"
"I'm gonna buy me a pick up truck....."
"I luv you......"
"I'm gonna buy me a pick up truck....."
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tiny Treasures
I had forgotten
the magical powers
Of the beach
and the ocean
The waves
crashing at my feet
The sun on my skin
melting away my cares
As I search and search
for tiny treasures
Treasures that have traveled
for miles with the tides
I imagine that their journey
has been a lot like life
Twirling, rolling, sinking, floating
buried then unearthed with each wave
All the rough edges being buffed
worn down and polished along the way
Some survive seemingly untouched
by the perilous journey
Others are missing pieces
and show the scars of time and tides
Each one unique, with a story of it's own
a story that no one will ever know
Perhaps the greatest of mysteries
these treasures of the sea
the magical powers
Of the beach
and the ocean
The waves
crashing at my feet
The sun on my skin
melting away my cares
As I search and search
for tiny treasures
Treasures that have traveled
for miles with the tides
I imagine that their journey
has been a lot like life
Twirling, rolling, sinking, floating
buried then unearthed with each wave
All the rough edges being buffed
worn down and polished along the way
Some survive seemingly untouched
by the perilous journey
Others are missing pieces
and show the scars of time and tides
Each one unique, with a story of it's own
a story that no one will ever know
Perhaps the greatest of mysteries
these treasures of the sea
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A Year Retrospective
A domino affect of broken hearts
plans, dreams, and expectations
one pushed down by the next
set in motion by seemingly
innocent feelings for another
A year has passed, many words spoken by some
very few words spoken by others
retribution, retaliation, attempts at reconciliation
lie neatly in rows, each overlapping the next
the first every bit as painful as the last
I revisit this daily
I guess I probably will for the rest of my life
human emotion and feelings have plagued me
since I was just a small child
a recurring theme in my life
I agonized over anything or anyone feeling hurt
left out, neglected, ignored, or disappointed in any way
I would have rather died myself than to think that I
had caused anyone to experience any of these emotions
I would slight myself before I would consider hurting someone else
So I guess it's not surprising
that the events of the past year have traumatized me so
I have experienced everything that has terrified me since I was just a girl
and while this has been by far, one of the most difficult years I have lived
I have learned to value the things that I once took for granted
God
Family
Friends
All the people who love me, warts and all
I know that I cannot change what has already happened
and I feel that I have adequately conveyed my sorrow
I will, in the future, however take more care with my loved ones
let them know that they are cherished, loved and cared for
life is simply too short to be lived in a world centered in self
plans, dreams, and expectations
one pushed down by the next
set in motion by seemingly
innocent feelings for another
A year has passed, many words spoken by some
very few words spoken by others
retribution, retaliation, attempts at reconciliation
lie neatly in rows, each overlapping the next
the first every bit as painful as the last
I revisit this daily
I guess I probably will for the rest of my life
human emotion and feelings have plagued me
since I was just a small child
a recurring theme in my life
I agonized over anything or anyone feeling hurt
left out, neglected, ignored, or disappointed in any way
I would have rather died myself than to think that I
had caused anyone to experience any of these emotions
I would slight myself before I would consider hurting someone else
So I guess it's not surprising
that the events of the past year have traumatized me so
I have experienced everything that has terrified me since I was just a girl
and while this has been by far, one of the most difficult years I have lived
I have learned to value the things that I once took for granted
God
Family
Friends
All the people who love me, warts and all
I know that I cannot change what has already happened
and I feel that I have adequately conveyed my sorrow
I will, in the future, however take more care with my loved ones
let them know that they are cherished, loved and cared for
life is simply too short to be lived in a world centered in self
Thursday, February 12, 2009
But One Small Speck
Lately I have been wondering if my prayers are heard
and if so, have they been answered?
I do know that every prayer is not answered
at least not in the way we are asking it to be.
And sometimes no answer at all, is actually the answer.
If I really stop and think about it, it's mind boggling.
When I figure that what I am asking of God
might parallel but be directly opposite
to what someone else is asking Him.
So my prayer not being answered,
might actually be the answer to the prayer of another.
Amazingly, he has it all figured out
a plan for me, a plan for you, that has already been mapped out.
Our prayers he hears, even though we are but one small speck
in this vast universe.
Thank God
Monday, February 02, 2009
Hard Rock Star Search and Foolish Fun
Silly school girl fun
it feels so good
It's been a long time
since I have been able to just let go
Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Paris Hilton
and us, party girls with the stars "supposedly"
Ok, so party girls with the security guards
but still such fun
Making memories, building confidence
laughing all the while
Oysters on the half shell
Blue Moon overflowing
Shucking and drinking
floating not sinking
Washing away tears
allowing laughter and love to surface
Partying with friends and loved ones
good food, good fun, a whole new life has begun
it feels so good
It's been a long time
since I have been able to just let go
Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Paris Hilton
and us, party girls with the stars "supposedly"
Ok, so party girls with the security guards
but still such fun
Making memories, building confidence
laughing all the while
Oysters on the half shell
Blue Moon overflowing
Shucking and drinking
floating not sinking
Washing away tears
allowing laughter and love to surface
Partying with friends and loved ones
good food, good fun, a whole new life has begun
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