Some of us spend our whole lives
worrying about what others
will think
Weighing every word
before it passes
our lips
We work so hard
to make the bright things
shine brighter
And the big things
seem even bigger
We struggle to keep
skeletons well out of view
Neatly tucked away
behind our cashmere
sweaters and unused
bowling balls
Pride our most
sacred possession
we guard it like the
Hope Diamond
We walk through
life oblivious
to the constant
ticking
The ticking
of the clock
Even the most
efficient of time
managers are
unaware
That with every day
we live
The less time
we have left to live
Each tick brings us closer
to a time and a place
where we may lose
some of our dignity
A time when we may
have to let go of some
of our pride
As scary as it seems
It is also a place
of refreshing simplicity
A smile, a hug or
a cookie become
some of life's most
treasured things
It is no longer considered
taboo to speak your mind
In fact, sometimes it even
makes people smile
Small milestones become
monumental achievements
A nap is one of life's greatest
pleasures
Loss of independence
life's greatest fear
Live not with worry
obsessed with the ticking
Live with compassion and
empathy for those
who are at the end
of their journey
For
someday
you
too
will
be
at
the
end
of
yours
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
The Elephant at Our Table
They know,
but across from them, he doesn't know.
Next to the one that doesn't know, sits his mother,
she doesn't know either.
Next to me, he knows, but chooses not to.
Across from me, he knows because he is too.
Next to him, sits his mother, who knows of
we, but not of he.
There's an elephant at our table,
it's big, it's ugly, it's real.
It's not an elephant in the truest sense,
it's a lie I try to conceal.
One day I want to dismiss this beast,
send it on it's way.
But for now I'll have to save it a seat,
on every holiday.
but across from them, he doesn't know.
Next to the one that doesn't know, sits his mother,
she doesn't know either.
Next to me, he knows, but chooses not to.
Across from me, he knows because he is too.
Next to him, sits his mother, who knows of
we, but not of he.
There's an elephant at our table,
it's big, it's ugly, it's real.
It's not an elephant in the truest sense,
it's a lie I try to conceal.
One day I want to dismiss this beast,
send it on it's way.
But for now I'll have to save it a seat,
on every holiday.
The Music in Me
I have loved music
for as far back as
I can remember
Music has always
provided an escape for me,
a place to hide
I could climb into a song
any song and briefly
make it my life
Darkness when I felt dark
passion when I needed love
an anthem when I had a cause
I never could really sing
although I loved it
and did it all the time, it felt so good
Looking back on my life,
I haven't lived a day
without music in some form
Today I still love music
and there's nothing better than a song
I can really climb into
But I don't hide anymore,
I just climb inside and enjoy the ride
like a surfer enjoys a good wave
for as far back as
I can remember
Music has always
provided an escape for me,
a place to hide
I could climb into a song
any song and briefly
make it my life
Darkness when I felt dark
passion when I needed love
an anthem when I had a cause
I never could really sing
although I loved it
and did it all the time, it felt so good
Looking back on my life,
I haven't lived a day
without music in some form
Today I still love music
and there's nothing better than a song
I can really climb into
But I don't hide anymore,
I just climb inside and enjoy the ride
like a surfer enjoys a good wave
The Best Christmas Ever
why oh why can't Christmas be
more than presents and a decorated tree
kindness, giving, thinking of others
spending time with children and lovers
instead it's chaos, traffic, errands and dread
there are no sugar plumbs dancing in my head
it's the most exhausting time of year
party after party spreading holiday cheer
an outfit for this, an outfit for that
Christmas cookies everywhere, fat fat fat
my ideal Christmas would be,
just my lover, by boys and me
in a little log cabin, with a fireside glow
on a mountain overlooking the city below
a hand picked tree about three foot tall
with hardly any decorations at all
the crackling of logs burning, the lights turned low
all warm and snuggly after playing in the snow
the smell of cedar from a wood burning stove
enjoying the thought of having nowhere to go
roasting marshmallows in the fire place
never ending smiles on each and every face
when the evenings through and we retire to bed
memories of this wonderful day are all that's in our heads
exhausted sleep in my lover's arms, there's truly nothing better
the perfect end to the perfect day, the best Christmas ever
more than presents and a decorated tree
kindness, giving, thinking of others
spending time with children and lovers
instead it's chaos, traffic, errands and dread
there are no sugar plumbs dancing in my head
it's the most exhausting time of year
party after party spreading holiday cheer
an outfit for this, an outfit for that
Christmas cookies everywhere, fat fat fat
my ideal Christmas would be,
just my lover, by boys and me
in a little log cabin, with a fireside glow
on a mountain overlooking the city below
a hand picked tree about three foot tall
with hardly any decorations at all
the crackling of logs burning, the lights turned low
all warm and snuggly after playing in the snow
the smell of cedar from a wood burning stove
enjoying the thought of having nowhere to go
roasting marshmallows in the fire place
never ending smiles on each and every face
when the evenings through and we retire to bed
memories of this wonderful day are all that's in our heads
exhausted sleep in my lover's arms, there's truly nothing better
the perfect end to the perfect day, the best Christmas ever
The Guards
It's out
It's real
Ripped from the darkest place
Where I store all my fears
And it’s playing on every channel
On my tv, on my radio
That dark place where I keep my fears
Is heavily guarded
Guarded by denial, innocence, and naivete
3 guards that let me believe, this can't happen here
People like you and me
Living in the streets
No food, water, medication, sanitation
A literal hell on earth
It’s too much to take in
I try to be there, to feel
What it must be like
To have no base, safe haven, no shelter
My first 38 years washed away with the tide
Everything I've built, earned, saved and been given
Gone…..Just the clothes on my back and the memories in my head
No greater test of faith and strength
The teary eyes of my starving child
My parent's last suffering breath
Nature's fury has taken everything I have
and now it's trying to take my soul
Would I make it? I’d like to think I would
Sitting here at my computer
With all the comforts of home
I’d like to think I would
Those guards, denial, innocence, naivete
Their good, good at what they do.
It's real
Ripped from the darkest place
Where I store all my fears
And it’s playing on every channel
On my tv, on my radio
That dark place where I keep my fears
Is heavily guarded
Guarded by denial, innocence, and naivete
3 guards that let me believe, this can't happen here
People like you and me
Living in the streets
No food, water, medication, sanitation
A literal hell on earth
It’s too much to take in
I try to be there, to feel
What it must be like
To have no base, safe haven, no shelter
My first 38 years washed away with the tide
Everything I've built, earned, saved and been given
Gone…..Just the clothes on my back and the memories in my head
No greater test of faith and strength
The teary eyes of my starving child
My parent's last suffering breath
Nature's fury has taken everything I have
and now it's trying to take my soul
Would I make it? I’d like to think I would
Sitting here at my computer
With all the comforts of home
I’d like to think I would
Those guards, denial, innocence, naivete
Their good, good at what they do.
When We Make Love
I love to watch you when we make love
the glow of your skin as you hover above
your eyes like a window, a view to your soul
I feel your heart beating, passion taking control
It's a journey we're on, it's just you and me
so loving and gentle, unbridled and free
we're partners, lovers, soulmates and friends
how could this be a love God didn't intend
The room becomes muted, colorless and still
the world becomes distant and genderless at will
a moment in time with no judgement or hate
just you and me and the love that we create
It seems like days we're away from the world
the pleasure, the wanting the passion unfurled
when ecstasy wanes, color and sound recur
we lay in residual weakness, all discernments a blur
the glow of your skin as you hover above
your eyes like a window, a view to your soul
I feel your heart beating, passion taking control
It's a journey we're on, it's just you and me
so loving and gentle, unbridled and free
we're partners, lovers, soulmates and friends
how could this be a love God didn't intend
The room becomes muted, colorless and still
the world becomes distant and genderless at will
a moment in time with no judgement or hate
just you and me and the love that we create
It seems like days we're away from the world
the pleasure, the wanting the passion unfurled
when ecstasy wanes, color and sound recur
we lay in residual weakness, all discernments a blur
She Completes Me
Me, sometimes dark
She, always looks to the light
Me, messy, jagged edges
She, perfect right angles
Me, spoiled, never made to want
She, grew up without, appreciates
Me, cautious, afraid of change
She, will try and never let you know she thought twice
Me, not sure what it means to be a true friend
She, amazes me with her kindness and generosity
Me, a better person for having known her
She, completes me
She, always looks to the light
Me, messy, jagged edges
She, perfect right angles
Me, spoiled, never made to want
She, grew up without, appreciates
Me, cautious, afraid of change
She, will try and never let you know she thought twice
Me, not sure what it means to be a true friend
She, amazes me with her kindness and generosity
Me, a better person for having known her
She, completes me
Real
It seems so hard to stay real
in a world that places
so much emphasis on the ideal.
just be yourself I'm told
what's on the inside is the beauty you behold
That beauty, they say, that's under the skin
the beauty that stays so locked deep within
it gets overlooked by a society unwilling to try
to look further than what is pleasing to the eye
The soul that's within needs no brushing or color
it just needs the love and compasion of another
to flourish and grow beyond all of it's bounds
gets lost under features, hair styles, and pounds
All of these pleasures the world likes to see
we wear on the outside like ornaments on a tree
slow down take a moment to stop and discover
the beauty that lies beneath the surface of another
in a world that places
so much emphasis on the ideal.
just be yourself I'm told
what's on the inside is the beauty you behold
That beauty, they say, that's under the skin
the beauty that stays so locked deep within
it gets overlooked by a society unwilling to try
to look further than what is pleasing to the eye
The soul that's within needs no brushing or color
it just needs the love and compasion of another
to flourish and grow beyond all of it's bounds
gets lost under features, hair styles, and pounds
All of these pleasures the world likes to see
we wear on the outside like ornaments on a tree
slow down take a moment to stop and discover
the beauty that lies beneath the surface of another
Heart Cracked and Spidered
Heart cracked and spidered
like the windshield of a car
Still there and beating
bearing multiple scars
It's owner lumbers on
through lifes daily grind
going through motions
pushing pain from the mind
Tear drops headed off
with each blink of an eye
like wiper blades on a window
clearing a view to the sky
A heart cracked and spidered
Although easy to hide
Becomes a burden on a soul
And starts to eat away pride
What is our existence
Why are we here
Through a heart cracked and spidered
the view is not clear
Although the heart is strong enough
To push through vital blood
A Heart cracked and spidered
Will not withstand a flood
like the windshield of a car
Still there and beating
bearing multiple scars
It's owner lumbers on
through lifes daily grind
going through motions
pushing pain from the mind
Tear drops headed off
with each blink of an eye
like wiper blades on a window
clearing a view to the sky
A heart cracked and spidered
Although easy to hide
Becomes a burden on a soul
And starts to eat away pride
What is our existence
Why are we here
Through a heart cracked and spidered
the view is not clear
Although the heart is strong enough
To push through vital blood
A Heart cracked and spidered
Will not withstand a flood
Happily Ever After
Just a shadow of my former self
looking back now seems surreal
so tortured and alone then
not capable to feel
Sitting at the kitchen table
laughing so hard it hurt
I got this funny feeling
it felt familiar but I couldn't be sure
Days went by I found myself
wondering, thinking, dreaming
some very unfamiliar things
that strangely seemed appealing
My thoughts at first were not of sex
the visions in my head
were of us simply snuggling
laying in her bed
That's all I needed and I hoped
that she would need that too
I thought of ways to ask her
so she wouldn't think I was a fool
Who in the world would ask someone
to which she was attracted
if she would go to bed with you
but leave her trousers fastened
Each night in bed all by myself
my mind would start to wander
and every night I'd let her go
just a little farther
Alright, ok, this could work
I guess we could undress
oh God, what am I thinking
I would be such a mess
It was nice to dream a bit
at home, tucked in my bed
but this was me, miss play it safe
this affair stays in my head
I tried to stop it, pushed you away
by telling you I had nothing to offer
but as those words passed through my lips
I could feel my heart growing softer
Strange sometimes how life unfolds
as we tear ourselves apart
can you believe my happily ever after
was determined by a dart
looking back now seems surreal
so tortured and alone then
not capable to feel
Sitting at the kitchen table
laughing so hard it hurt
I got this funny feeling
it felt familiar but I couldn't be sure
Days went by I found myself
wondering, thinking, dreaming
some very unfamiliar things
that strangely seemed appealing
My thoughts at first were not of sex
the visions in my head
were of us simply snuggling
laying in her bed
That's all I needed and I hoped
that she would need that too
I thought of ways to ask her
so she wouldn't think I was a fool
Who in the world would ask someone
to which she was attracted
if she would go to bed with you
but leave her trousers fastened
Each night in bed all by myself
my mind would start to wander
and every night I'd let her go
just a little farther
Alright, ok, this could work
I guess we could undress
oh God, what am I thinking
I would be such a mess
It was nice to dream a bit
at home, tucked in my bed
but this was me, miss play it safe
this affair stays in my head
I tried to stop it, pushed you away
by telling you I had nothing to offer
but as those words passed through my lips
I could feel my heart growing softer
Strange sometimes how life unfolds
as we tear ourselves apart
can you believe my happily ever after
was determined by a dart
Past, Present, and Future
eating pizza in bed
after we made love
making love again
when we were through
staring at each other
from across the classroom
you wiping away my tears
making me feel secure
things I love
about the way we were
giggling in bed
before we make love
making jokes over iced tea
at the dinner table
subtle touches
while we're shopping
stolen kisses
in the car
things I love
about the way we are
running a house
partners full time
talking about our day
in bed every night
good morning kisses
before brushing our teeth
falling asleep
intertwined you and me
things I love
about the way we'll be
after we made love
making love again
when we were through
staring at each other
from across the classroom
you wiping away my tears
making me feel secure
things I love
about the way we were
giggling in bed
before we make love
making jokes over iced tea
at the dinner table
subtle touches
while we're shopping
stolen kisses
in the car
things I love
about the way we are
running a house
partners full time
talking about our day
in bed every night
good morning kisses
before brushing our teeth
falling asleep
intertwined you and me
things I love
about the way we'll be
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