Who Knew?

Normal by definition: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected

I don't think that conforming to a standard is what I'm longing for

Usual, typical, expected, that sounds more like it

I can't really ever remember a time in my life when things weren't

Usual

Typical

Expected

Ironic, given that my persona is "Anything But Ordinary"

Seek the unusual

Avoid typical

Expect the unexpected

It is Usual to get up and go to work

It is Typical to work a full day and come home exhausted

It is Expected that a paycheck will be in the bank every two weeks

The Universe can have quite an interesting sense of humor, yes?

The very things you loath can become the very things you crave at any given moment

Usual

Typical

Expected

Who Knew?

Life's Rough Road

Sometimes in life we experience bumps in the road
bumps that sometimes knock us completely off course

Even if the course we were on was a really good one
we still get side tracked and suffer set backs

I can't be sure but I think sometimes these bumps
help us to appreciate our previous and present courses

So that we don't get too comfortable in our travels
for if the road becomes too familiar we may stop paying attention

As soon as we stop paying attention a collision is eminent
causing sometimes irreparable damage to our current course

Occasionally our previous course can be retrieved and repairs made
with work one may never even know that a collision has occurred

Sadly enough we don't realize that we have stopped watching for bumps
until we have a really big collision then it's often too late

A Scandal and a Scorn to All Who Look on Thee

Why can't I just forget about it
keep it out of my head

Probably because it has shaken me
down to my very foundation

Decisions that I make in my personal life
should never, ever effect my professional life

It's wrong, just plain wrong
on so many levels

Tried and convicted by a jury of my peers
peers that have no right to judge me or anyone else

The ultimate sentence carried out by my boss
someone who is supposed to act responsibly, professionally

I am so naive to think that things like this don't happen
taking a hit that left a gaping hole in my confidence

The hole shows, in my interviews
my confidence waining with each passing day

I'm so sick of going on interviews
tired of sitting once again in judgment

People ask me why I am so angry
I'm angry because of God damned judgmental people who act like that I am the only person in the fucking world who has ever made a mistake

Judge not, lest ye be judged
Judge not, lest ye be judged

I didn't slaughter or massacre
I didn't maim or dismember

For crying out loud
I'm a human fucking being

I don't deserve to be ignored
Made to feel guilty at every turn

I do take responsibility for my actions
I do admit to causing pain and I'm sorry for that

But I never professed to be without fault
without sin

Why am I being crucified
stoned, tarred and feathered,
lynched, persecuted, ostracized

FUCK

I'm just a mere mortal, human, learning lessons as I go along, just like everyone else

Would somebody just cut me some fucking slack here
just back the fuck off for awhile

The Faces of Evil

Wicked

Malignant

Vicious

Destructive

Harmful

Hurtful

Injurious

Detrimental

Deleterious

Ruinous

Nasty

Horrible

Foul

Disgusting

Bad

Wrong

Corrupt

Depraved

Vicious

Malicious

Diabolical

Shocking

Despicable

Atrocious

Broken

I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore
the worst feeling in the world
very isolating, so alone

Worse, I don't even trust myself
in this house of mirrors
that's become my life

A mirror at every turn,
I find myself standing in front of
struggling to recognize the distorted figure

I've traveled miles
but have gotten nowhere

Endured unimaginable pain
scars in various stages of healing

I never asked to be examined
under a microscope

To have every personal detail
and indiscretion of my life
aired for the world to see

To judge...

Ironically there's a lot to judge
considering the lack of experience under the Personal
Relationships heading on my life's resume

Bad judgment on my part, luck of the draw
who knows, I press on

My nature has always been to trust
once I've let someone in anyway

I guess my not letting many people in
is why that Personal Relationships heading
on my life's resume is so short

I'm not discriminatory,
just very, very cautious

Ever terrified of feeling
the way I do right now

Standing vulnerable in front
of yet another distorted mirror

Broken

I Always Knew.......

You would let me go easily.

You could be very hateful if crossed.

You would completely shut me out.

I never imagined.....

You would stop at nothing for revenge.

It's so unbecoming, but it has made my decision so much easier.

If You Live in Glass Houses........

Face to face friends wielding knives, it can work, if you don't turn your back

Unbecoming, this behavior of supposed professionals, worse yet, church goers

Casting of stones by those who apparently have no past indiscretions, how original

Karma, what goes around comes back around, you can count on it

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow will come, I will move on, you have to live with yourselves

Only one wish I have for you all, a public airing of your private indiscretions

Understand your need to persecute another for self eminence, your soul will thank you

Bathroom Wisdom Revisited

Peace is rooted in understanding
Understanding is rooted in communication
Communication is rooted in loving trust

~Author Unknown

God's Greatest Gift

First of all
I have no regrets

As I sit here
in my skin

I feel no regrets

That in itself
is progress

I do feel remorse
for any pain
that I have caused

I feel sad for the suffering

But I do not feel regret

It's been about six weeks now
since we stepped onto the playground

Whew...child's play
this has NOT been

Very few fun moments
precious few

A lot of hard work
determination and steadfastness

Damnation, persecution
desperation and anger

Litter the streets of
this very short journey

It's not tidy,
and the wrapping
is certainly not pretty

But every step a gift
that I have been blessed
with the strength to accept

I have felt pain, intense pain
anger, guilt, embarrassment,
betrayal, disillusionment,
astonishment, and ultimately
atonement

I have sat with each of these
familiarized myself with them

Felt the realness, the rawness
the searing burn

I have writhed, bargained
sobbed and questioned

But I have felt
and on my own two feet
I have remained upright

Managing to keep
putting one foot
in front of the other

In the face of
some of the greatest
adversity I have yet to face
in my overindulged life

I feel my warmth
I feel my soul
I feel the goodness that burns inside of me

The goodness that until now only other people could see
the warmth that creates compassion and empathy
genuine concern and sincerity, that's me

I feel me
I feel myself

I love me
I love myself

Thank you God
for allowing
me to see your
greatest gift

Me