I feel good

I wish that I could feel as good every day
as I feel today

It's a good hair day
that always helps

But that's not it
I'm peaceful today
calm

Nothing is stirring on the inside
my mind is quiet

I'm not worrying
about anything

I'm not overly excited
about anything

Just happy and free

Nothing hurts
I feel confident

I couldn't complain if I had to

I feel loved
I feel in love
I feel blessed, so blessed

I'm not concerned about my body image
I'm cute in my own way
just the way I am

I wonder why I can't have more days like this

They are so few and far between

Is it the planets
are they aligned in the house of me

Is it hormones
something I ate (fruity pebbles)
or didn't eat (frosted mini wheats)

I wish I knew

It feels really good to feel good

Heaven

it covers me
a blanket of warmth

makes me feel healthy
makes me feel strong

i know i'm alive
when the sun shines
on my face

weightless and carefree
the world floats off my shoulders
for a time

just the sound
eases my tension

there's no feeling in the world
like being in water

the sun, a breeze, the water

HEAVEN

He's Mad

Something is just not right here
but how could she know for sure
so young and impressionable
what did she know about what was normal

Prone to periods of silence
followed by random fits of rage
very little desire for any acts of love
distance growing, more distance, more silence

She tried for over a decade to break it
the silence, the madness
eventually learning that it was no use
trying turned to wondering
which lead to assuming - he's mad

Every now and then he'd blow
the silence swelling inside would burst
like a balloon filled with too much air
a very loud "pop" - he's mad

Either it wasn't done
or it wasn't done right
from an empty toilette paper roll
to dishes in the sink

Always something different
something that had been growing
and festering inside the silence, the madness
just waiting to be expelled

Errupting he would spout things out
things from today, yesterday,
last week, last month, and even longer
those things that made him mad
those thing that fed the silence

No responsibility, totally unaware
no pride in anything you just don't care
you can't even take care of yourself
how could you ever take care of a baby
It's not your fault, it's just how you are

Just a girl she'd sit quietly and listen
try not to cry, it will be over soon
crying will only make it worse
he already thinks you're useless
Thinking, thinking....I should leave, he's mad

Learned to walk on eggshells
tip toe around the madness
just learn what you have to do to avoid it

Uptight and unaware of what was happening
pieces of her soul, pieces of her psyche
being chipped away day after day
Thinking, thinking....I should leave, he's mad

How could she leave, no one else would have her
so unaware, irresponsible and scattered
this girl with no pride in anything
she would surely be alone for the rest of her life
Wondering, wondering
is it him that's mad, or is it me?