Embracing Change on Thanksgiving

On this Thanksgiving day
I would like to remind myself

To embrace all of the people
and all of the circumstances past and present

That have helped to shape my life
into what it is today

Albeit unfinished - a work in progress
I am the epitome of good intention and love

My life has been full of ups and downs
but key to remember is it has been very full

While it is very different now
and will be very different years from now

I am and forever will be
thankful for all of the wonderful blessings

That God has bestowed upon me

Creative Writing

Growing restless, the skeletons in her closet paired hockey jerseys with bowling shoes and paraded through her flower beds.

The waves, white with fury, raced to the seawall each leap frogging the next as if the winner would be crowned price of the tide.

Quite Simply, Someone

Someone who ignores me
when they know I am wrought with guilt and sorrow

Someone who would rather prove a point
than to show compassion to one they supposedly loved

Someone who tells me that I can't be alone
then frantically searches for someone to move in with

Someone who robotically does things for others
for the sake of appearing saintly

Someone who repossess my computer
because I am struggling to pay the bill

Someone who can't muster up a kind word to say
when I am crying on the other end of the phone

Someone who holds a grudge
refusing to see that people are human

Someone who never knew me at all

Someone who told me what I wanted to hear

Someone controlling and manipulative

Someone who will probably never have regrets
because they don't care enough to

Someone who needs their life to look a certain way
and quite simply liked the way it looked with me in it

Someone who I was destined to walk away from

A wolf in sheep's clothing
slowly becoming just a bad memory

22 years

I was married 22 years ago today
I don't even know what marriage is

What it means to be married
what if feels like to be married

Interesting really
but more sad than anything else

I was so young when I got married
I remember thinking how cool it would be

Kind of like having a friend sleep over every night
sounds immature, but that is really what I thought

That's because I was immature
just a little girl actually

I do feel proud in some respects though
because each and every thing that I have leaned about life

I have had to teach myself

I didn't have a lot of life experience
and in a lot of respects I still don't

I'm still the scared girl who was too frightened
to tell her parents that she had changed her mind

That she didn't want to marry this man after all
because they had already spent so much money on the wedding

Little did I know they would have been more than happy
to call it all off and keep me at home for another few years

I am so thankful for my two boys,
extensions of my heart and soul

I wouldn't trade them for the world

I can only hope that they are braver than I
and make better choices than I did

Fear has dictated so much of my life
I don't even really know where to go from here

I have pushed people away that loved me
I have lost opportunities all because I was scared

Scared to walk away from what I have known for 22 years
even though it wasn't happiness

There have been many people down there
holding nets, promising to catch me when I fall

I just couldn't trust them
I was paralyzed by my fear

Honestly, I don't know who I am anymore
don't know where I belong

I feel like I've been renting all these years
too afraid to buy

I'm reaching the end now
the end of my excuses, deadlines, and reasons to stay

I've been emotionally gone for so long now
I don't know if I have anything left to invest

I'm sad, 22 years is so long
but I have been here for my boys

Watching them grow from boys into young men
I'm so very proud of them

I'm proud of my accomplishments too
I have my degree, my license, another degree in the works

I'm just tired now,
the thought of building a new life exhausts me

I will go though

I will go

Something Good

Dinner with a new friend
in a Soho cafe

Rain drops beating on the window
as I realize yet again, I am human

Talk about work
talk about life

Perfect families a facade
we're all just doing the best we can

I thought something good might happen today
and it did