Cyclone of Diligence

You keep saying
we were never a couple

I always saw us as a couple
everyone else did too

Where we reside doesn't
make or not make us a couple

It simply puts me
where you want me

Couples disagree, we disagreed
Couples laugh, we laughed

But somewhere along the way
the laughing stopped

Our love ceased to be carefree
ceased to be simple and easy

There is no blame to lay
it simply changed

Perhaps each of us with different needs

Mine to be stress free and unencumbered
Yours to be solid and fixed

I understand your need for stability
your need for a commitment

I made a commitment
and a lot of promises

All of which I meant
and intended to keep

I tried hard to endear myself to your family
to be all the things that my predecessor was not

They extended themselves to me
and I, myself to them

But somehow it just never seemed enough
I felt the weight of expectation

At times the frustration of fading obscurely into the background
as you dutifully almost obsessively tended to their needs

Tending to everyones needs
at the expense of your own

Generous to a fault
if you can ever fault a person for being generous

However, it can't be healthy to always put
another's needs above your own

Your mother's, your lover's,
your co-worker's, your friend's,
your sibling's, your father's,
your stepmother's and on and on

You cease to exist if you fulfill
everyone else's needs before your own

It takes all of your energy
to be absolutely diligent
in every aspect of your life

Perhaps I feared being
drawn into that cyclone of diligence

Where everything and everyone
is tended to impeccably

I'm still trying to learn
how to tend to myself